Tag Archives: Academia

How a perpetrator gets away with sexual harassment at CU Boulder

Someone’s status of being “accomplished in his field” should never be used in an investigation.

***Trigger warning for discussion of sexual assault. This post includes information from an actual university investigation. ***

You can walk through the halls at my university and feel like you are in a place of success. The walls are plastered with research posters and stories of accomplishments. For me, it is a dream school for research. I love what I study here, and engineering is one of my passions in life. Unfortunately, choosing to study here came with some unexpected things that I did not want or ask for.

Being a female in engineering, I’ve experienced a fair number of less than favorable encounters that range from awkward peers to sexual harassment. Not all women in engineering experience sexual harassment. Some have been lucky enough to avoid it and some are oblivious, but by graduate school there are a large number of us who have our stories. Most of the time we just roll our eyes and laugh it off. This is part of being a female in a male dominated field. We put up with a lot of obnoxious things and usually don’t report them. (A 2006 study showed that an astounding 69% of women in engineering experienced sexual harassment during their careers).

Yet, when I experienced something on the severe end of sexual harassment, it became necessary to report. Since I had evidence, I thought the case would be fairly straightforward, and that a resolution would be reached. Instead, I came away feeling less safe than I did before reporting.


The Incident

A group of us gathered at a place just off of campus to celebrate finishing a huge exam. It was early in the evening and constituted more of a mellow dinner gathering among adults than a party.  During the dinner, one of my peers that I didn’t know as well started touching my leg under the table, moving his hand under my skirt and up to my crotch. I quickly removed his hand, but he persisted and did this to me two more times. After the third time, I quickly got up and left the gathering for a bit.  I was shaken but I decided to go back and confront him about what he did to me. I thought physical and verbal communication would be enough to make a clear point that I wanted no part of his sexual advances. Still, despite removing his hands from me, and verbally confronting him, he persisted in his endeavors.  He would later that evening be so bold as to grab my breast and place his hand down the back of my skirt and underwear (which constitutes sexual assault).  To top it off, when I tried to go back to my office, he started following me. My only recourse was to run onto a bus and take it half a mile away just to get away from him.

The Evidence

Worrying for my safety, I drafted an email to him after the incident that briefly stated that he inappropriately groped me, and that told him to never touch me again. He left two voice mails on my phone apologizing, though I suspect he wanted me to be quiet about what happened more than apologize to me.

The Reporting

I was really scared to walk through the halls of my department, and I confided in a few people about what happened. They encouraged me to come forward to resolve the problem, especially since my assailant could do the same thing to other women. One person reported it to my university, and soon after that, an investigator from the office of student conduct contacted me.

I agreed to meet with the student conduct investigator to discuss options. A discussion of options turned out to be the investigator jotting down notes as I gave a short synopsis of events. At the end of the meeting the investigator said she would investigate the perpetrator. My meeting had suddenly turned into an investigation. I shared a copy of the email and the voicemails with the investigator, but after that I was never contacted again until the investigation was over.

Soon after the university “investigation” started, I learned from a third party that police have methods for investigating non-rape sexual assaults. Initially, I did not think of going to the police, because criminal punishment seemed extreme when all I wanted was a continued safe academic environment for me and for other students. Generally, women don’t run to the police every time they experience sexual harassment, even in extreme cases.

With encouragement from a third party, I talked to a police detective, who thought I potentially had a case. Unfortunately, the university investigation disrupted the opportunity for a proper police investigation. By the time I had gone to the police, my university had already handed over all of my evidence to my assailant and his attorney.

In the end, the solo university investigator decided that my assailant did not violate any university policy. The investigation was not only an insult to victims of sexual assault, but an insult to women in STEM fields as well.

The Investigation

Often times I hear people ask how perpetrators of sexual violence don’t get found guilty even when there is evidence. To help aid in the understanding of this, I have decided to include some excerpts from the investigative report. It is important to remember that these items are things that the investigator felt were important to the overall investigation. Quotations denote direct quotes that the investigator included in the report.

My assailant has many opportunities in his future

“Respondent loves his field and is accomplished in his field.”

He “does not want to lose the 11 years of work he has put in to get where he is now”

“He thinks there are lots of opportunities in his future.”

“He is concerned about the possibility that professors won’t want to hire him based on these allegations.”

In one of the emails my assailant sent to the investigator, he mentioned the hard work he was doing. While the entire work description was not included, the investigator felt that the following information was relevant to the investigation:

“Respondent proceeds to state how hard he has worked in his field and how dedicated he is to that”

***Note to reader: I am also getting a PhD in engineering, just like my assailant. I am also accomplished in my field. This was never mentioned. The report didn’t mention how having my assailant in my department would affect my research and my leadership opportunities. My safety and learning environment did not appear to be of importance during the investigation either.

What does it say to victims in prestigious fields when perpetrators can use their success in those fields to cover up sexual harassment? What does it say to all the good successful people who would never use their careers as a way to cover up sexual harassment?

My assailant is married

This is apparently very important information to put in the report because we all know that married men never ever cheat. Obviously.

“He and his wife are close and often in communication when they are apart.”

“Respondent and his wife have been married for one and a half years. Their families are very far away so they are very reliant on each other.”

“I asked Respondent if he finds Complainant attractive. He said no, and that he is attracted to women who are physically similar to his wife. Respondent’s wife and Complainant are physically dissimilar.”

“he and his wife are Catholic. They text while apart.”

Furthermore, my assailant was able to use his wife as a witness even though she was not present during the assault at all. She submitted a long statement, which was included in the investigative report.

My assailant was allowed to have an attorney

“He was accompanied by an attorney advisor”

*** Note to reader: I was never ever given this opportunity. I went in to discuss options with the investigator alone, and then the investigator started an investigation during our meeting. There was no follow up, or even an opportunity for me to get a lawyer or have someone present with me.

My assailant was able to change his story

Despite my assailant previously apologizing in response to an email that described some of his sexual actions, my assailant changed his story and called what he did “hand play.” The investigator wrote:

“they had “hand play” which Respondent described as “not sexual in nature””

That term seems like something an attorney would come up with…

The investigator went off of impressions

Regarding my assailant:

“I find his reaction to the email suspect. I am also concerned about the fact that respondent did not tell his wife about the email from Complainant when he received it, since he emphasized the closeness they share. Despite this issue, Respondent gave an overall impression of credibility based in part of his verbal and nonverbal symptoms and attitudes during our interview”


I write this as an educational piece for the public. Sexual harassers and abusers often go free or just get a slap on the wrist.

While CU Boulder continually works on improving the investigative process, some problems still exist with addressing people who perpetrate sexual violence and harassment. Sarah Gilchriese is not alone. There are more victims here, and sometimes our assailants go unpunished.

It is a problem that only one single investigator listened to my story and made a decision about the outcome of the investigation. There were no precautions in place for situations where the investigator is biased towards one person based on their academic credentials, or the investigator does not take thorough notes during the interviews. It creates a frightening situation for victims who come forward about perpetrators who are successful in prestigious fields of study. Furthermore, it was also disturbing that my evidence was handed over to my assailant and his attorney without getting the police involved. In fact, university investigators do not notify the police in these investigations.

My experiences leave me conflicted. I want to know what I should tell young women who would like to study engineering at CU. Do I tell them that they might have my assailant as a TA or a mentor? Do I tell young prospective students that if they get sexually harassed or assaulted to hope that it isn’t by someone who is “accomplished” in their field?

Through the tears and pain and being terrified, I chose to stick with my PhD program because I did not want to throw away all of my work, and because I love what I am doing. It has come with sacrifices, such as not feeling safe on campus, and avoiding any events where my assailant could come into contact with me and repeat his actions. Thankfully, some members of my university have attempted to ensure my safety and to create an academically fair environment for me.

Yet, there is one thing that still very much upsets me. After an investigation like mine, perpetrators learn that they can hide behind their careers and success and no one will believe their victims even if there is evidence. That is wrong.


Editors Note: This story is told from the perspective of a female in engineering. However, sexual harassment and sexual violence affects women and men on college campuses and beyond. According to the CDC, about half of women and 1 in 5 men experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime. For more resources, you can visit the RAINN website.

When Stress Gets the Best of You

Are you a worrier or a warrior?

A recent article in the New York Times investigates two types of students. There are the warriors, who thrive off of high stakes and sudden stress situations. They have fast acting enzymes that can quickly clear dopamine that builds up in high stress situations.

Then there are the worriers. These are the students that need to plan ahead and get stomach knots when faced with a high stakes test. They have slower acting enzymes that clear dopamine from the brain in stressful situations. These students can usually concentrate well, and have an advantage in problem solving and planning.

Of course there are students that have a mix of the two as well. Apparently you get one gene from each parent, so you can have a mix, or be purely worrier or warrior.

I will be the first to admit I am a worrier. The past two weeks of high stress have demonstrated this, as I am now sick and stuck in bed. I do not handle high pressure and last minute stress. In fact, I get to the point where I become physically ill from the stress, which is where I am at now. I became so sick, that I had to cancel an important research trip. Thus, I find this article a fitting one to write about.


The debate about the best academic environment is an interesting one. I am huge proponent of education. I also think students should be rewarded for hard work. We need a way to measure the ability of a student, but I have never been convinced that grades and tests are necessarily the best way.

In high school, I was the valedictorian on my class. I stressed constantly about getting perfect grades and completing each homework assignment to perfection. I would start each assignment ahead of time though, as it was impossible for me to do any assignment the night before it was due, as it would turn my stomach in knots. In hindsight, I should have probably given slightly less of a crap because there is more to life than getting good grades, but the past is in the past.

So, I got excellent grades. I don’t know that this necessarily means I was smart. In fact, there was a whole other aspect of the academic world that I was not, and am still not good at. This is the dreaded standardized test. While I didn’t necessarily “fail” at these sorts of tests, I have always received a far lower score than one that reflects my problem solving ability and knowledge. I even scored so low on the ACT, that it disqualified me for several scholarships.

On the other hand, I have several friends that are the complete opposite. They love to procrastinate. They do amazing on standardized tests, and have no problem going into tests with little to no studying. However, when it comes to these students succeeding at a long-term course projects, the procrastination thing doesn’t work out so well in their favor.


I love comparing the experiences of different types of students. It is interesting to discuss what makes a class something that all types of learners and students can benefit from. I’ve found that my favorite classes were the ones with projects and labs. Spending time preparing and creating something was always fun for me. The classes that were purely test based were the ones I dreaded. If there were pop quizzes added in through the semester, it turned into a recipe for disaster for me.

An ideal class might combine all sorts of learning techniques, which include tests, interactive lectures, group work, long-term projects and shorter-term homework assignments. There are different types of learning subgroups even beyond the warrior versus worrier to think about as well. I would love to see more variability in academic courses. Then, of course this takes a lot of work and planning on behalf of the instructor, and that is something that just isn’t recognized or rewarded enough in the busy academic world for many instructors to embrace it.

What kind of person are you? A worrier or a warrior?

Marriage Helps Male Professors Get Ahead

It does not help women. At least according to a study done with history professors in academia.

I realize this study did not focus on STEM fields, but I do notice something similar occurring in my area of study. I’ve had this discussion with many of my female friends as well. What happens when you are a female academic and you want to have a family?

It seems that much of the expectation and responsibility falls on the women. I’ve heard some people say it seems un-masculine for men to take paternity leave. Many of my mentors and role models are men who have wives that not only take care of the kids, they take care of day to day living tasks like paying bills, buying groceries, car and house maintenance, and anything else non-work related. My own mother was one of these amazing women, and there is no doubt it helped my father succeed.

Yet, when it comes to the complete reverse, I don’t see it happening. In fact, looking at all of the women I know as mentors in academia, none of them have a thrifty stay at home husband. That’s not to say it never happens. I’ve certainly encountered a few stay at home dads outside the academic world. However, it comes as no surprise that marriage is still statistically a detriment to women.

Something that I am seeing more often with the younger and newer generation of employees is dual parenting. Men and women are splitting the duties of child rearing more often. Technology has allowed for more flexible work schedules, or just working from home. So, now it is easier for couples to split up time at home with a child.

Maybe it is not longer maternity leave that we need to keep women in the work force. Maybe it is offering more flexible schedules to women AND men. Not only does it offer children time with both parents, it would eventually phase out discrimination women may face about being the ones to take time off from work for family issues.

Women Have Small Brains and Other Biases of Science

But we must not forget that woman are, on the average, a little less intelligent than men, a difference which we should not exaggerate but which is, nonetheless, real. We are therefore permitted to suppose that the relatively small size of the female brain depends in part upon her physical inferiority and in part upon her intellectual inferiority.

-Paul Broca

Paul Broca 1824-1880

Back in the mid 1800’s there lived a professor named Paul Broca. His work on the brain was instrumental in brain anatomy and anthropology. He determined the part of the brain associated with speech, revolutionizing our understanding of human speech. His work was thorough, and he was ahead of the times in his scientific thinking. However, even the best scientists can be influenced by social bias.

Paul Broca performed measurements of cranial sizes of male and female skulls, and found that the female cranial size was smaller. Was the measurement correct? Well, to a certain extent, yes. Yet, the problem with the study was his conclusion. A great summary of some of Broca’s study can be found in this essay by Stephen Jay Gould (PDF). The issue is that there are numerous factors that may lead to intelligence, and not all are linked to brain size. In fact, with newer technology, we have also found that it is neural connections within the brain which make a great contribution to intelligence.

Female Brains Are Still Smaller

Now, the time of Paul Broca was very different from modern day. You would think something like using brain size to prove women are less intelligent would be a thing of the past. Not necessarily. A study from 2006 by Philippe Rushton claimed that men were on average smarter than women due to brain size. This debate was still going on in 2006.

This same author published a paper in 2002 citing differences in brain size in different races are what cause the IQ differences. The paper, called “Brain size, IQ, and racial-group differences: Evidence from musculoskeletal traits,” in which the concluding sentence of the abstract states “brain size-related variables provide the most likely biological mediators of the race differences in intelligence.” [Rushton, 2002].

When coming to scientific conclusions, it is important to remember that correlation does not imply causation.

The ultimate problem with studies like these is that they completely disregard cultural and societal contributions to intelligence. For instance, we are just now coming into a time where more women are applying to college than men, and more equal opportunities are available to minorities and women.


To end, I leave you with the most recent tidbit of information I could find. For the first time in recent history, women are scoring higher on IQ tests than men.

So much for that publication citing the reason for women’s lower IQ scores was due to their brain size.

My Thoughts As a Woman

I sit hear scanning papers, clicking on my computer, scanning papers some more, thinking about the mathematical equations and how they can be used to solve problems. I hold the academic papers like a tomb of truth from which information can be gleaned and used to discover more things about the world.

When I started this blog a very short time ago, I wanted to share facts about things I found interesting. I also wanted to bring attention to things within our society that I think need to be changed. I’m struggling with the best way to do this. There was this part of me that was hesitant to share my own thoughts and experiences while stepping away from the safe word of facts and academic publications I am used to. One personal experience does not make a fact. Yet, I’m finding through reading many other brilliant blogs, that personal experiences are so important to shaping the views of society. Through each other we connect, and we see underlying problems that need to be fixed within the society wherein we live through our similar accounts.

In an equal society, this blog title would be called my thoughts as a human. Unfortunately, being a female engineer has shaped my experiences in a way that reminds me I am a woman. I wish I could say that it’s only being in a male dominated field that reminds me of this, and that I can just focus on that, but when I step into the world I also must be ever cognizant that I am a woman. If I forget, there will be something or someone to remind me of what I am, and sometimes this can be dangerous, so I must never forget.

During my younger years, I didn’t understand the meaning of being a woman. I didn’t see a difference between my male classmates and me. I remember being in an advanced math group in my class and working with another male student. There was nothing to even consider about this situation. It was just two students who enjoyed math, studying math together.

When I was 12, my family moved to a very conservative town. By the time I had graduated from high school, it had been made very clear to me that I was a female, and that, far beyond the different body types and sexual attractions, females are supposed to be different from males.

The reasons why there is this imposed difference in the way men and women are treated need to be addressed. I’m seeing different aspects at each level of the female life that may pose barriers to success and happiness. These obviously vary with severity from person to person and in different areas of the world. I will do my best to bring to light the things that are within my reach, and I will continue to read about the things that are within yours.

Why are there not more females in academia?

If there is a belief that women’s brains are different when it comes to science and engineering, then how does that affect the perception of women who are already in the area of study?

There is no question that we lack women in academia in many fields. In academia, women are still the minority in publications. Even with increasing numbers of enrollment of women in STEM fields, only a small fraction of publications are written by women across many fields. Part of the issue is that far fewer women want to go into academia or research than men. While 72% of women start off wanting to pursue research as a career upon entering a PhD program, 61% of men feel the same way. Yet, at the end of a PhD program the number of women drops to 37% while the number of men only drops 59%. This is a huge gap and drop in interest.

As a graduate student, I can think of many different reasons why one would not want to go into academia, or continue into research. There are the politics, the competitive environment, obnoxious university policies, long work hours from teaching and getting research funding, but in the end these things seem that they would drive both men and women away. There may be other subtleties to look at when approaching this gender imbalance as well. While I have had some female professors outright tell me they have never experienced any form of harassment during the time of their professorship, I’ve also heard many female voices from the other end of the spectrum saying harassment is a huge problem for women at universities. I’ve found some interesting reads on this subject.

When men and women were both asked why there were fewer women in fields such as physics, the responses were different. A study from Rice University sheds light on whether gender leads to different interpretations of discrimination and why women may choose to leave a field. An excellent blog post sums up some of these findings. The study showed that it was the women who were more likely to say discrimination was a reason for women not choosing fields such as physics. Men were more likely to cite differences in the brain between men and women for the different choices. This study exposes some of the issues surrounding discrimination and its potential for keeping women from advancing in male dominated fields such as physics. It’s a concern when the target gender is far more likely to cite discrimination as a factor for not staying in a field than the majority gender in a field. Furthermore, if there is a belief that women’s brains are different when it comes to science and engineering, then how does that affect the perception of women who are already in the area of study?

The Stories

There are some excellent websites out there which allow for people to put forth some of the problems women in academia face. These websites give some great insight into what it is like for women in academia, and are not just limited to the STEM fields.

Academic Men Explain Things to Me
What is it like to be a woman in philosphy?